I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
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Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
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Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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