just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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