i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
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he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
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Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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