just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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