he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
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I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
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This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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