how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize