I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
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SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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