D3 body, D1 cock
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize