My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
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I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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