if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
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dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
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Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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