I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize