I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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