My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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