i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We left an ass print on the piano.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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