I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
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It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
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That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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