I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
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Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
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That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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