Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
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Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
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DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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