I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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