I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
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Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
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learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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