oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
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Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
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I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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