No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
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it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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