Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
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I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
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Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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