Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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