i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Vodka?
Forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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