Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
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You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
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I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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