i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
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Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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