my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize