Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
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we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
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I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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