Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
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I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
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When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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