2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
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The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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