every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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