There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
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you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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