Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize