I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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