First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize