Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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