PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize