he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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