i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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