You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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