ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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