come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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