Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
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i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
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Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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