That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize