I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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