Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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