Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
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and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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