So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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