he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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