Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize